The Things Parents Do That Hijack The Leadership Traits of A Child
God gave us children as an opportunity to be partners with him in creation and also beautify the world. Children just make life beautiful even though they have to evolve into adults. There is a huge responsibility that comes with being parents anyway, it is called nurturing. That time that you have to spend to release an adult into the world. Everyone went through nature and nurture. At birth more of nature is in place. The innocence and helplessness of the baby is part of nature, designed to be so. The new baby responds more abruptly to noise before trying to ascertain what sort of noise is that. Next time you carry a baby, laugh loudly, see how startled the baby will be, squeezes the face until he/she defines what is on your face and then laughs back. Scowl or cry and see the reaction too. As the child grows, he/she begins to be aware of what laughter is, response is faster. The child no longer decodes what it is, rather why is the other person laughing and begins to enter the inquisitive age which is usually wrongly termed the “terrible twos”. I call them the “trying twos”. A friend says they are the “terrific twos”. I save terrific for the teenagers.
However, for the child to grow up and be able to handle challenges, he/she must be well guided through this inquisitive age and not be shut down. Unfortunately, that is what most parents do, shut them down, because they could really try one’s patience with their restive nature. This inquisitive mindset put there by our maker to ignite the brain so it can continue creation by challenging the status quo and bringing on innovation. We as parents shut them down by shouting, “keep quiet”, “leave that place”, “stop that”, “you talk too much”. Some parents have gone as far as drugging children to sleep so they can have peace, when there are so many beautiful ways to make a child keep still. We just don’t make time to think them up. We believe the teachers, both in school and other places should do that.
I had very active children and quite inquisitive too. Immediately I noticed these when they were toddlers, I bought a lot of lego. When they start, I just pour the legos on the floor, making them design and build all sorts. Immediately, the house will become quiet because their brains are in use.
When a child’s brain has been dulled by the shouts to keep quiet or stop that, the child will eventually need external stimulus to do what he/she should naturally be doing for himself/herself at an older age. That is how that child got there except if the child has psychological birth defects.
Every child came into this world with a gift/talent. If allowed to be expressed can lead to a wealthy life in all areas, starting from inner peace because he/she is in tune with the source, to outer peace-availability of material resources to live well. Look inwards and really ask yourself how you can help your child be in charge of his/her life while you are guiding gently. That child needs to be in some form of control to experience power from within. The locus of control must come from inside. The maker designed it so.
I am a strong believer in personal leadership and that includes even the spiritual aspect of man. It is man’s responsibility to partner with God to know more about Him, learning at His feet to avoid being led astray by another person’s wrong or warped understanding of the word of God.
I raised my children to understand what personal leadership is. When I dropped off my son in the UK to school, I told him to make sure none of his friends/classmates should make him derail from what he was there to do through peer pressure. I begged him to try and make a 2.1, because I knew he was somewhat an average student, even though he graduated as the best science student from high school (secondary school). Any distraction could take him downhill. I believed I had done some good work on him, so I committed him into God’s hands, asked God to crown my little input in his life with His guidance and protection. He aimed higher and ended up with a first class in Engineering. He detailed his story in his book THE GRAND EXPERIENCE to help young people stay focused, especially in College, when they are far away from their parents.
I am giving away the new edition of my book BECOMING A LEADER written for children, which he said impacted him a lot. This 2nd edition is packed full of most of what I taught my children in their adolescence. The first edition was written when they were toddlers. Download a free copy at his site: www.grandxperience.com.
One other thing I believe parents do that hijacks the leader trait in their children is the mindset of “My children must not go through what I went through”, thereby shielding children from challenges and beautiful learning points. Yes, they will not go through same experiences as you the parents did if you take time to be present in the right ways. However, challenges will be on their paths and they must know how to overcome them. How will they learn that? Do not shield them from challenges. Their own challenges will be different and most likely not as grave as yours because you have paid some price for them. With God on your side, the glory of your latter house shall be more than the former.
There is something I had to teach my son the hard way when he was in high school. I knew I had to do what I did. As at then, I didn’t know he will be schooling so far away from home. The story is in my book, this post is already too long, you can read it up there. I was not ready to go get for a young adult what he should get by himself from a teacher I didn’t want to do it differently and wonder later why I am still the one getting things for him at 25 years old. Such parenting simply hijacks the power of accomplishment of that child. John Maxwell in his book ‘LEADERSHIP 101’ wrote, “If we do everything for our children, what will they do for themselves”.
Buy a copy of his book and get mine free for your young adult or any one you know. Thank you! www.grandxperience.com.
Happy Children’s Day!
This is not exhaustive. Please share your thoughts on this below.
Mercy Itama (FNIM)